I generally abstain myself from writing personal posts because I feel no one but me will be able to relate to it. But then, a thought that struck me as I was busy attending nature's call at midnight today. One unassuming look from the third floor balcony of the hostel in which I reside was the reason behind that thought. I discovered that people are always interested in what's happening in others' life than their own. So much so that, their own actions tend to be moulded by the proceedings in the environment. Before I get a little more philosophical and hence, a little more boring, I'd like to issue a statutory warning. This isn't a post about one particular incident, this is just a random assimilation of thoughts, a collection of observations that have been wrecking havoc in my already incapacitated mind (not that I mind ,or care to repair!) And yeah, this isn't about Anna Hazare and his gang either. You're currently reading the mind of a person who is trying hard not to take things seriously and live the same on his own terms. If you are yawning already , fu** off: it's my blog and I have the right to be as authoritative and boring as my ex-girlfriend!
This is the last year of UG college life for me: the second most thought about topic ever since I set foot on this cursed piece of land. First thing, is my convocation day of course: the day they'll shove a worthless piece of paper up my a** and tell me to get the fu** out. I used to speculate a lot about how people would behave when the time to say bye-bye draws closer and closer, I used to gleefully think about it as the year when "equality and fraternity" and a world devoid of discrimination would finally materialize as nerds and free birds (like me) would unanimously hit the cricket ground with the sole ambition of having fun and leaving the field with a beaming smile in tact. I thought of it as a year free of responsibilities (it's always been like that for me though I have hated most things about my college life) for all my classmates. But as usual, my predictions turned out to be wrong.
Projects, placements, GRE, GATE, CAT, IELTS, TOEFL, passports, Visas and the list is long. Suddenly my lame a** friends who were not sure if density is the ratio of mass to volume or volume to mass are busy discussing about the prospects of getting placed in a core company, improving their vocabulary and aptitude. The guys who used to drag me to the ground to play are now busy with their projects. My friends who used to quibble loudly alongside me as we took a walk around the campus sipping a cup of coffee after dinner have chosen to restrain themselves to the four walls of their rooms and rejoice deep within at the prospect of having mugged up another word from the never ending Barron's word list. All of a sudden, the world has become a lonely place. Back home, my best friend is going to the UK in pursuit of bluer skies and another is planning to do his MBA for reasons best known to himself and the almighty!
One emotion unanimously runs through the spine of every single person that is left with no other choice but to eat the sub-standard food that's being served at our place of residence: fear! The fear of things to come; the fear of the possibility of a neighbour knowing an extra word in the word list because you sleep for five minutes more than him; the fear of a company rejecting you, because there are ONLY 23 more core companies waiting to recruit you on campus and much more off it. The fear that has managed to confine my buddies to the company of the four walls that surround them has made me explore the hostel premises like a nomad, in search of a like-minded liberated soul that'd accompany me for a cup of coffee and a debate that comes with it.
Since I have not had much to do, I have been doing things I am usually sceptical about. Cleaning my room for example. The whole hostel came to a standstill as they didn't want to miss the opportunity of getting to watch a once in a lifetime event. After a few wide-eyed moments, the fiery-eyed monsters buried their heads into Barrons' as usual. And I sighed as usual.
If there's something more depressing than the placements, it's the dull faces and the complaint boxes that one gets to encounter after the knowledge that they haven't made the cut dawns upon the unprivileged! The level of pessimism that fills people's blood can reach dizzy heights, with medical consequences occasionally. I had the privilege of noticing two boys known for their jealousy whose faces had turned blue due to the changes in concentration of the blood elements, which in turn can be attributed to the overdose of pessimism. One boy wanted to file a police complaint against another because he suspects the latter of having frisked away a lucky pen of his deliberately, one that has brought him tremendous luck in his exams. A pessimistic dumbo who has failed in his interview is the worst person you could wish to meet. It's possible to listen to a drunk chauvinist complaining about his girlfriend's infidelity but it's impossible to listen to an industry discard.
When I talk about all this to my fellow friends, they accuse me of being incredibly carefree. Besides, they accuse god of blessing me with such an attitude and a life full of luck and totally devoid of disappointments while all that they have received is a mouth that's always ready to complain and a mind that's depressed by default! I have just one thing to tell them all. Yesterday, I faced the biggest disappointment of my life. I was dropped from my college cricket squad, the only thing I have been serious about after coming to college. It may sound trivial to the big men who are ready to lock horns with the vagaries of life. But for a person like me who still cherishes the good old ways of fun, for a person to whom the big things in life are not so big and the small streaks of happiness are the only ones that matter, whose belief system works on a minuscule span, it was quite a big blow! Still, I believe that I'll walk to the ground everyday to get my daily bit of practice, with my chin up. I am quite sure that an insignificant event like an exclusion from a college squad is not gonna hurt my love for the game which is obviously eternal. I am the same boisterous, exceedingly frank, eccentric, fun loving guy who enjoys attention and making fun of others.
I have my own plans for the future and I am quite optimistic and open about life as usual. I have been speculating about my own life, past failures in that dominion haven't stopped me from moving forth. I maybe wrong as usual and end up being the biggest failure that humanity has ever seen; but I am sure about one thing: nothing's gonna change my attitude. I am pretty sure that if and when a classmate of mine spots me sipping tea in a roadside shop ten years down the line, he'll see me doing it with the same degree of fervour with which I am doing it right now, not to forget a few friends alongside and a delicious debate for mutual company. I have learnt only one lesson in life: there's nothing bigger than momentary happiness and there is absolutely no point slogging temporarily in pursuit of greener pastures down the lane. Different things appear big at different junctures. My tenth and twelfth board exams were dubbed as events of astronomical significance, but now I know that they hardly matter. My dear friends sitting for placements and those taking the 3,4 or 5 capital lettered examinations, this moment will pass and you'll end up somewhere, irrespective of your choices and input. So cut the crap and join me. Lets hit the ground!